How could I not read a book with this title? I’ve heard Jessica Waite on CBC radio several times this year and I knew immediately that I wanted to read this memoir. Her husband Sean collapsed and died in Houston unexpectedly. That was difficult enough, but she keeps finding more and more aspects of a secret life that she had never guessed Sean was leading: an enormous cache of pornographic material, massive debt from pricey hotels, booze, food, and prostitutes, numerous affairs (some of which were with women that Jessica knew), and drug use. The depth of this betrayal is hard to fathom.
Jessica had to deal with all of this while drowning in grief for the husband she loved while protecting a young son and wondering what or how much to reveal to her husband's family. Grief is an overwhelming thing at the best of times, with stages which repeat themselves until a resolution is reached. I knew from her radio interviews that the author has reached a place of forgiveness on most days. How did she get there? I wanted to know.
Grief is one of the most difficult things that I have ever done, even though I had only tiny regrets and there were no startling revelations. I relate to many of her feelings and experiences despite the fact that I was a young woman who had lost her parents in a motor vehicle accident, not a widow. I felt her shock when she realized that you get compassion until about the six month mark and then you are expected to be back to normal (even though you will never have “normal” ever again). Then you are on your own. I can attest to the truth of that.
Closure is a myth. You must build a new normal. I remember standing by my mother's body and swearing that I would be happy again someday. Thirty years later, I'm pretty content. I admire Ms. Waite's determination to get her life sorted and marvel at the amount of energy that she has devoted to it. It turns out that she lives in my city and I wish I could meet her.
No comments:
Post a Comment