When Elves Attack / Tim Dorsey

3 out of 5 stars

Nobody does Florida weirdness quite like Tim Dorsey! Case in point: When Elves Attack, the New York Times bestselling author’s twisted Christmas present to his legion of adoring fans who can’t get enough of thrill-killer and Sunshine State historian Serge A. Storms, the most endearing psychopath since Dexter. Dorsey offers the perfect antidote for all those sappy feel-good holiday stories with this zany blockbuster extravaganza in which his wonderfully deranged serial killer Floridaphile delivers his special brand of Christmas cheer. 

”Wait up!” Coleman skipped alongside Serge. “But I still don’t get this elf thing. How can we be elves if the mall didn’t hire us?”
“And that’s what everyone thinks.” Serge skipped and waved at curious shoppers. “But there’s no law that says you can’t just unilaterally decide to be an elf, buy a costume and hit the mall. That’s the whole key to life: Fuck the conventional wisdom on elves.”
“So that makes us…”
“That’s right: wildcat elves.”
“What are they going to say?”
Serge stopped skipping. “It’s like clipboards. You walk around all smart and serious, writing on a clipboard, and people stand back in respect. Or orange cones. You can buy them at any Home Depot. Then you set them out according to your needs, and the public thinks “He must be official. He’s got orange cones.” Those are the big three: clipboards, orange cones, elf suits. People don’t question.”

Ah, the wisdom of the social-justice-minded serial killer, Serge, as imparted to his drug addled sidekick, Coleman.

This was a fun little holiday story, filled with darkly humourous situations, perfect for the overly sweet Christmas season. Learn how to use a deep fryer to blow up a hotel room, among other useful skills. Plus how to look official with a clipboard, orange cones, or an elf suit.